A Little Thing Called Love,

2010-09-07T16:32:00.004+08:00

i'm sorry to eveyone out there who enjoys reading my blog , i've decided not to blog anymore. i'm sorry , but this will be last post ..

to whom it may concern,
guess if you're not interested to talk, then its okay. carry on (:
after all these years with you, i know what it is like when you're interested to talk , and when you're not. perhaps , the qualities you look in your friends , - i lack one. i know.
and well , i knew it long ago , from the day we met perhaps. well, but then i thought things will change, but it didn't . i understood very well why i was less treated when i did exactly what others did. i lost everything, and everyone becos of you, only you, yet i let it all go, becos i still believed that you were still there. Haiz, maybe you knew my weakness, that now you toy with it. & thank you very much for everything you did to make my life an awesome one. (i mean it)i'm not leaving you, you're the one doing so. i'm still there , waiting to accept you in any circumstances. i love you alot , and i miss you like crazy. i miss the bond we shared , our laughter, your smile , your kind words, the times you cared alot, the times we shared everything, your concern, everything about you , dearest friend.
i've got nothing much to say , only left with tears chocking my eyes and heart.
take care &
With love,
your lil ...

* i was your eye yet you presented me with a tear.

2010-07-18T20:02:00.002+08:00

“Human beings are funny. They long to be with the person they love but refuse to admit openly. Some are afraid to show even the slightest sign of affection because of fear. Fear that their feelings may not be recognized, or even worst, returned. But one thing about human beings puzzles me the most is their conscious effort to be connected with the object of their affection even if it kills them slowly within.”

2010-07-04T21:33:00.002+08:00

Searching for something to hold on to,
for something to keep me going.
Searching for someone to hold me,
to tell me “Everything will be okay.”

Wish upon a star,

2010-07-04T20:42:00.002+08:00

काश, एक चमत्कार हो सकता है. एक चमत्कार है कि किसी ने मुझे यहाँ से दूर ले जाएगा और उनके परिवार में डाल उनके परिवार के हिस्से के रूप में, मुझे के बारे में.

Homesick.
Because I no longer know what home is.
~ Everything seems so beautiful, with you around.

Broken Friendship

2010-07-04T20:00:00.002+08:00

You were my friend…

I trusted you with everything.
I never thought that you would do this to me.
How can you afford to see me cry,
and left me there as if I was never part of your life…
Lying alone in my bed, I wonder…

"Do you ever think of me before you sleep?"
"Do you even call my name when you miss me?"

Because I do, I really miss you.
Because I do, and I know this is true.
When will I learn to stop.
The moment you said goodbye,
You never said the words I wish I could hear...
You let me go like that...
and from that day on,
I promised myself ; Never to love you again.

I found myself sleeping too long.
It’s time to face reality that you’ll never come back..

If you come back,
Even if you do, it woudn’t be the same…
You’re not the friend I used to love those days…

I choose to go away, to be happy..
so I could mend, and accept that you’re no longer mine.
... You’re no longer ___…

I’ve waited too long… now it’s my time to be free…

i hate you.

2010-05-31T22:43:00.003+08:00

If you died tomorrow (God Forbid), you would be in my heart ,
would i be in yours?

Rainbow of joy ;

2010-05-19T21:29:00.000+08:00

I will use a flower petal for paper,
and write you the sweetest letter,
you are the sultan of my heart ;
the sultan of my heart (:

2010-03-28T13:36:00.000+08:00

I wanted to tell him that I would never be sorry for loving him. That in a way I still do - that maybe I will always do. I'll never regret one single thing we did together because what we had was special. Maybe if we were ten years older it would have worked out differently. Maybe, I think, it's just that we're not meant to be.

2010-03-28T13:27:00.000+08:00

I know it seems like I'm this strong person who can get through anything, but inside I'm fragile. I've had so many things thrown at me, and each one has only made a crack. What I'm afraid of is, shattering;

2010-03-28T13:22:00.000+08:00

The pain is there to remind me that i'm still alive. & Behind this smile is everything you'll never understand.

2010-03-28T13:16:00.000+08:00

You ask me what's wrong and I say nothing, but as a tear falls, I say everything.

2010-03-16T11:27:00.001+08:00

FRAGILE. HANDLE WITH CARE.

2010-03-15T21:42:00.000+08:00

I smile and make you think I’m happy,
I talk and make you think I love me,
I laugh, so you don’t see me cry,
I look at you and hide the pain inside,
I feel myself dying but you see me survive;

2010-03-15T21:29:00.000+08:00

~~I try to laugh about it, cover it all up with lies. I~~

~~try to laugh about it,~~ hiding the tears in my

eyes.

2010-03-15T21:11:00.000+08:00

I walk around with a smile on my face all day, but inside im frowning and wishing you would understand. I give you a friendly hug, and I remember when those hugs meant something more to you. I pretend to like this new girl, but I hate her. She took you away from me and now I want to die. I cant compare to her because shes so beautiful. Shes your buddy and shes as close to perfect as it gets. So, while you think we’re still good friends, i'll be crying every night. You might think im happy, but i'm not gonna be okay;

2010-02-10T20:17:00.000+08:00

it definately did.

Why do i feel so empty inside?

Why do i feel so unwanted?

Why do i feel so useless?
Why do i feel so cheated?

Why do i feel like giving up on you?

Why was i hoping for something to happen when , it never will?

Where have i gone wrong?

What am i doing wrong?

Why am i so stupid to believe that something might just happen?

Why did i even listen to you guys in the first place?

I know you're trying to help me, but now it's getting worse.

Why am i.so.freaking.stupid?

i really wish you were here.

Lost and Broken ;

Smiling on the outside,

Hurt beneath my skin

My eyes are fading
My soul is bleeding

I'll try to make it seem ok.

But my faith is wearing thin

Help me heal these wounds

They've been open for way too long

Help me fill this soul

Even though this is not your fault

But i'm open -

And i'm bleeding

And now my heart is an open wound.

-When i'm losing my control, the city spins around

you're the only one who knows, you slow it down.

2010-02-03T22:10:00.001+08:00

~~I just want to lock myself up and hurt~~

~~myself and~~ ~~cry over it.~~

2010-01-30T21:21:00.000+08:00

*yay-yay* Finally got the time to update my blog !
*jumps around in joy* hehe.

First post of 2010. And it's my O' levels year. What a great joy. Not.

Sometimes I just wonder. Why do some people get everything & everyone they want when there's so many flaws in them?

Sometimes in life, no matter how much we complain about something that we despise, we just have to move on and adapt to situations.

Sometimes in life, you have to be in someone's shoes to understand how they feel.

Sometimes in life, we laugh it off at first and don't realise the impact of it when it hits us in the future.

Sometimes in life, not everyone we meet become our friends.

Sometimes in life, it is good to think back of the past and see how far we have come.

Sometimes in life, we have to have faith in Karma.

Sometimes in life, we think revenge is the best soultion.

Sometimes in life, Ms.Lonely becomes our best friend.

Sometimes in life, it just isn't fair.

Sometimes in life, we just have to accept things that come our way.

Somethimes in life, we prefer to have things the way they were.

Sometimes in life, we wish we were appreciated more.

Sometimes in life, we want our efforts to be seen.

Sometimes in life, we follow the crowd.

Sometimes in life, we wonder what we want for ourselves.

Sometimes in life, we loss the ones we love.

Sometimes in life, our loved one lose us.

Sometimesi n life, its good to suit others.

Sometimes in life, its better to be myself.

Sometimes in life, there's love at first sight.

Sometimes in life, there's love when we don;t expect it.

Sometimes in life, we mistreat the ones who love us.

Sometimes in life, we treasure those who don't give a shit.

Sometimes in life, we don't care when we're having fun.

Sometimes in life, we know when things are going to suck.

Sometimes in life, we try to look on the bright side.

Sometimes in life, we wish we were all alone.

Sometimes in life, we wish for someone to understand us perfectly.

Sometimes in life, we say we're fine when we're not.

Sometimes in life, we take a long time to figure out the meaning of life.

I guess thats all i have for now. But maybe its not the "we" but "me" - "Nazreen."
Hais, will look forward to things this year (:
Nights.

With love,
Nazreen.

When you're not told the truth, it turns your memories into lies.

2009-12-18T21:17:00.000+08:00

When you're not told the rtuth, it turns your memories into lies.

I'm about to find out what it feels like to go to bed alone, and with tears streaming down my face. I hate this. Its becoming harder for me day by day, but i'm just telling myself its gonna be alright.

Have you ever wanted anything so badly that you're willing to kill to get it, or even, kill yourself if you don't? That's me right now. At this very moment, on the brink of life and death, ready to give it all up over a dream that may not come true. I may be exaggerating abit, but damn did that feel good to say. It definately did.

As tears well up, I can only say that I don't know how to handle all of these. I'm just drifting away form everyone. I refuse to get into the deatils of it all because poeple that i know may be reading this and i refuse to let them into my life if they arn't already an intimate part of it. But i feel like all i've done for the past 3 or so years is friging, and i hate myself over. It's really a sucky feeling to have, but it's the one feeling that hasn't left my being since my freshman year in secondary school. The really agonizing part is feeling this over and over again and knowing that i've journeyed too far to make a viable change in my deplorable situation. The constant depression that washes over me at times like this makes me want to die and I feel as if my last reserves of oxygen have been stripped from me, and I am gasping for what will never be mine again. Ever. I'm trying my best to be strong, but everytime, i'm just giving up.

As I question my intentions, and look for alternatives, oftentimes coming up empty-handed, I feel alone. Alone, even though I have people supposedly by my side, it’s inevitable that I always feel alone in all of this. At times, i wish, someone would care enough to bear with me for this one outburst. But whenever i look around, I’m just left alone. No one quite cares. I hate that what I portray outwardly to others isn’t what gets handed back to me in return, I ALWAYS come up short. Always. And dammit it’s frustrating. So frustrating that I want to stop what i feel in anyway that’s the quickest and the most pain-free. That would be true bliss. Floating away from it all … But then I remember…

I kept getting told by people, ‘it will be alright’ or ‘everything will work out,’ tat advice, and honestly, those who tell me dismissive shit like that. It’s annoying as hell. Those who say that say that only when they KNOW they’re in a good place in their lives and just feel sympathetic for those who are not. Screw off. I only listen to those who can honestly tell me from experience that things will be okay.
Have you lived what I’m feeling right now?
No? - Jump in a lake.
Yes? - Hand me a tissue and when I’m ready we’ll talk.

Likely, at this point of time, a hug isn’t going to make the situation better either, so those who offer a hug in an attempt to make things ‘better’ are fooling themselves more than they are me, so please don’t do it. Don't mistake me, but i'm not in the situation. I bet you the moment you're gonna hug me, there my tears rolls down my cheeks.

I try. God knows I try to make this all better, but as the minute and hour hands slip away from my grasp, I panic. When I panic, I only work harder to improve myself, only to repeatedly come up short, once again. Surprise, surprise. I should be used to this by now, but I’m not and I refuse to just settle with what I get, but, I cannot seem to do better for myself.

What am I supposed to do now? I have no one to talk to about this, and the people who think they can help just need to realize that they can’t do anything for me right now.
Nothing and no one can make me feel better.

It hurts me alot ... ... ... But i know you've got your own reasons for doing so. Sometimes saying nothing is better than saying something.
My life is like a broken glass, its shattered into a million pieces, and i'm scared to pick any up, in case i get hurt again.

P.S I always thought that looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never thought that looking back on the laughs would make me cry.
Its not about those who are real, to your face ; Its about those who stay real, behind your back. & I trust that you belong to the latter.
I'm going to miss you both, already missing all of you. Once again, I just wanted to remind you both, perhaps, all of you: The memories you gave me will live within me till my last breath ♥ You gave my life a reason to flow. Now, without you it's not gonna be complete. No matter how far you've gone, just remember I'll still be there for you & I LOVE YOU ALOT. You can take my last breath, but don't break me apart. I mean every single word. Trust my words. ♥
Just one request: I'll need you always, & be there when I need you, because in order to have friends you must be the first one. ♥

♥ МϊŠşĨŋĢ Mŷ ℓόΰεđ ŎŋĔš βάđℓұ ♥

2009-12-08T14:09:00.000+08:00

Just when someone asked me a question, it has been stuck in my mind for some time, and now I've decided to share with all.

Question:[in general] Do you prefer to be someone's girl, or be the person's best friend? Why?

I Answered: A persons' best friend - a close confidante, well-wisher.
Coz, as one,

*I can listen to him although I can't give soultions to all of life's problems, doubts, or fears, but together we will search for answers.

*I can't change his past with all its heartache and pain, nor the future with its untold stories, but I can be there now when he need me to care. - Not only when he needs but always.

*I can't keep his feet from stumbling but I can offer my hand, and he may grasp it and not fall.

*His joys, triumphs, successes, and happiness are not mine; yet I can share in his laughter.

*His decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge; But I can support him, encourage him and help him always. Never to neglect a single one.

*I can't prevent him from falling away, from friendship, from me. But I can pray for him, talk to him and wait for him.

*I can't give him boundaries which I have determined, but I can give him the room to change, room to grow, room to be himself.

*I can't keep his heart from breaking, and hurting but I can cry with him and help him pick up the pieces and put them back in place.

*I can't tell him who he is, but I can love him, be his friend, and promise not to leave his side.

Today I found a few friends,

Who knew everything I felt.

They knew my every weakness,

And the problem I've been dealt.

They understood my wonders,

And listened to my dreams.

They listened to how I felt about life and love,

And knew what it all means.

Not once did they interrupt me,

Or tell me I was wrong,

They understood what I was going through.

And promised they'd stay long.

I reached out to these friends,

To show them that I care

To pull them close and let them know,

How much I need them there

I went to hold their hand

To pull them abit nearer

And realised that this perfect friend I found

Was nothing but you.

The one who understands me fully.

*It feels like you're slipping, slipping away from me*

2009-12-04T19:49:00.000+08:00

When nothing seems right, and everything seems wrong.
Just when the time comes where you can't differentiate between BF {Best Friends} & BF {Betrayer Friends} ;

2009-12-04T19:48:00.001+08:00

{*Just when you feel there is no one to care about you*}

{*The worst feeling on the planet is knowing nobody, not even yourself, cares about you*}

2009-12-01T21:45:00.000+08:00

Wees, back from Aussie !
Aussie was awesome ! :D Gee, i still remember the slightest memories over there. That tells how much i enjoyed my stay in Australia ! [: It was a fun & enjoyable trip. It's summer in Australia, but the wind that blows, just feels so soothing. A totally different atmosphere, with different people, different culture etc ... In total, Aussie was GREAT ! Hehe, i better not brag & make you guys bored. Instead of writing a whole chunk of what actually happend in Aussie, i thought of describing Aussie in just a few words; And that describes all ; Hope you like it !

SOFTLY SINGS SWEET SUMMER !

[P.S. I miss them all]

2009-10-19T18:44:00.000+08:00

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

I wrote this poem so that I could try and lift my spirits when I miss my loved ones very much. To suffer loss is such an awful experience, sometimes you have to experience bad times to know how a good time feels. I try to remember the good times, coz you'll need them to be able to look back and smile ; In My Life, There are places I remember all my Life, though some have changed. Some forever, not for better. And some have gone, and some remain. All these places have their moments though I know I'll never lose affection for people and things that went before, I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my Life I Love them all ; Very Much ; Alot ;

♥ ♥ Nazie ♥ Imran ♥ Geetha ♥ Muhaiminah ♥ Hari ♥ Agnes ♥ ♥

My Memory Library

Imagine if I was given one moment,
Just a single slice of my past.
I would hold it close forever,
And that moment would always last.

I would put the moment in a safe,
Within my hearts abode.
I will open it when I wanted,
And only I would know the code.

I I could choose a time for laughing,
A time of happiness and fun.
I could choose a time that tired me,
Through eveything I've done.

I sat and thought about what moment,
Would always make me smile.
One that would always push me,
To walk that extra mile.

If I'm feeling sad and low,
Id I'm strugging with what to do.
If I an go and open my little safe,
And watch my moment through.

There are moments I can think of,
That would lift my sprits everytime.
The moments when you picked me up,
When the road was hard to climb.

For me to only pick one moment,
To cherish, save and keep,
Is proving really difficult,
As I've gathered up a heap !

I've dug deep inside my heart,
Found the safe and looked inside,
There was room for lots of moments,
In fact hundreds if I tried.

I'm building my own little library,
Embedded in my heart,
For all the moments spent with you,
Before you had to part.

I can open it up whenever I like,
Pick a moment and watch it through,
My little library acts as a promise,
I'll never ever forget you ...

With Love,
♥ Nazreen Begam ♥

2009-10-14T20:35:00.000+08:00

Sometimes your nearness takes my breath away; and all the things I want to say can find no voice. Then, in silence, I can only hope my eyes will speak my heart.

Many Unsaid Things,

There were so many things I did not say

When I looked into your eyes

The things I think about each day

Would take you by surprise

The wonders of what we could share

Still powder in my mind

I wondered if I could tell you how much I cared

And I guess I ran out of time

Now your face is not stopping me

From telling you how I feel

Maybe this is the way it should be

So I'll try and keep it real

I always felt as if my heart was on trial

And now it's a thing of the past

I want that love we once shared again

If it was ever there

I know that I had loved you

But did you really care?

Sometimes I wish you would talk to me

About the things you feel

Then maybe someday I'll understand

How you've learned to deal

I've often wondered what it would be like

To feel your warm embrace

To kiss your soft sweet lips

Or have your touch upon my face

But now I am gone and I'll never know

How wonderful it would be

To have the sweetest love

That you would share with me

So many things I think about

You probably never knew

Many unsaid things

That I have never told you.

2009-10-14T20:29:00.000+08:00

LIFE WOULD BE "ROSES OF RED"

If you would love and cherish me
through years that lie ahead,
and hopefully for eternity,
"Life would be roses red".

To have you and to hold you,
and learn the meaning of a thrill,
to fall into your arms in springtime
and oh, to know you love me still.

Within my heart, choirs would sing
whilst I held you by the hand,
we could dance across the meadow,
and down to the golden sand.

If you would love and cherish me
through years that lie ahead,
and hopefully, for eternity,
"Life would be roses red".

**I LOVE YOU, With all my heart,**

2009-10-14T20:09:00.000+08:00

A Wish

I had a dream last night,
of being there with you.
Your arms were warm around me,
strong yet gentle too.

I saw your soul,
deep in your eyes.
Someone was there,
but it wasnt a surprise.

My name was written across it,
my eyes were looking out.
There in your precious soul,
my love a home had found.

It filled my heart with warmth,
enough to keep us both.
There it was nourished,
within the soul loves grows.

I woke up wishing,
wanting it to be true.
I know you live in mine,
and I long to live in yours too.

**Love the heart that hurts you, but never hurt the heart that loves you.**

2009-10-14T20:03:00.000+08:00

Finally a full stop to exams for this year ! Hopefully I've done pretty well to get myself through next year O's !
Jia-Yo ! Hehe (:
Haiz, still have headstart classes to prepare for O's ...
I hope it goes smoothly, and most importantly, I can fit everything in my head !
Aights, buzzing off ! :D

With Love,

2009-09-10T12:03:00.000+08:00

A Silly Little Wish

I looked up.

I saw a shooting star,

I saw a shooting star in the dark sky.

I made a wish,

I made a wish to be with you.

I looked down.

I saw a penny,

I saw a penny on the gravel.

I made a wish,

I made a wish to be with you.

I looked to the right.

I looked to the right.

I saw birthday candles,

I saw birthday candles on a lavender cake.

I made a wish,

I made a wish to be with you.

I looked to the left.

I saw a dandelion,

I saw a dandelion on the lawn.

I made a wish,

I made a wish to be with you.

I look straight ahead.

I see you,

I see you right here in front of me.

I made a wish,

And it came true.

My Friend once asked me if I do love you. I answered "Yes!" She asked me again, "Does he love you?" then I sat down, look at the stars and closed my eyes. "Wishes do come true right?"

2009-09-09T16:19:00.000+08:00

Voices Of My Heart

When I think about Life

And all its negative things,

Scary thoughts occur,

Great fears it brings,

Dealing with friends

Who betrayed your trust?

Standing alone in the rain

From dawn to dusk,

Losing the guy

With whom I wished to share my dreams,

Leaves me with eyes like clouds
And tears like streams

With family members

Arguing from day to night,

Makes me want to run away

From that unplesant sight.

School is hard,

Doing work I don't understand

Walking down a road

Holding no future in my hand.

My world is dark,

Empty and confused,

Feeling angry, frustrated,

And completely used.

Everything is unclear,

I only see death on the way.

This Life isn't worth living.

It should be taken away.

But then there's a small voice

That suddenly appears;

Looking all around ... I

Can't seem to find it anywhere.

This little voice said,

"There's a whole lot more to Life.

Everyone goes through joy,

Happiness, Pain and Strife.

There are people who love you,

And you will meet ew friends.

Eveyday is a new experience,

It's just a matter of where and when."

This is when i calm down

And begin to think.

After all, Life can be good

And have its positive things.

I can have an education,

If I'm willing to learn,

My future is along the road ahead,

Considering which way i turn.

I have been hurt,

Betrayed, Denied and Used.

But people will know my importance

Depending on the kind of people I choose.

Not having a boyfriend

Isn't the end of the world.

He's not worth loving

If he leaves you for another girl.

Its normal for a family to argue,

'Cause that's how they compromise.'

If I had thought problems can't be solved

Then, I wasn't very wise.

This little voice saved my Life -

Didn't keep me and the world apart.

That's when I realise this voice.

Is the "Voice of my Heart."

With Love, ♥

2009-08-05T22:03:00.000+08:00

You were the rainbow, at the end of the stom
You helped me different when I shouldn't conform;

Have you ever felt a friendship was for real only to find out that the person really does not care for you? It is during the time in my life where I was faced with the reality that people are not whom they seem to be. I have always tried to take people at value, but I have realized that in most circumstances people have underlining meanings for the words and actions they use.

Specifically, it reflects a particular friend that I had, that used to get something, someone, they wanted and caused a lot of heart ache for me. Maybe the situation was cleared, but if he/she tries to mend the friendship, and, of course, it would be unsuccessful. Because, that was when I came to realize your true colours.

TRUE COLOURS

The blood was shed
It will never be the same
Feel the intruding lead
That hangs my head in pain

The drainage not on my hands
But flows down my back
It was only in the sands
Where you planned your attack

Executed without flaws
With no issue at hand
You dug deep with your claws
Into a faceless land

Your face full of lies
When you greet me at that place
I see through your disguise
And reject your embrace

The wound you try to heal
Is now a gaping maw
Your words can never conceal
The true colors I saw

You didn’t even bother when I did. And I realized, you did everything for the sake of something. Have you ever thought what you did was right? You didn’t like it when others did that to you, but today, you are doing it to me. You didn’t like it when someone tries to come between you and your friends, and break the relationship. But why did you do that to me? You just came in from nowhere, and today, you stole everything, and everyone from me, slowly, and steadily. Have you felt or either thought about it; being you taking my friends away from me? It’s beyond words. The pain is cutting me, like a hundred stabbing knives. My breath is getting shorter …

Well, as for you, as he/she took you away from me, you just left me all alone… You didn’t bother to look back, coz, the one who came yesterday became more important to you than how well you knew me. Isn’t it? You can’t deny, cause your actions showed up. How stupid of me to being trusted you. When you speak the words, “ I care for you,” I know it hurts. When you say the words, “ I missed you,” it really really hurts. But when you say the words, “I love you,” the more it hurts because deep in my heart I know that those words don’t belong to me and that makes my heart to be in hurt. My voice is so soft for you to hear. My actions are too weak for you too see. But only if you had listen carefully, you’ll heart the sound of my heart that says, “From now till forever, I’ll always be here for you.” I hide my tears when i see you, but the pain in my heart is still the same.

Late at night, I cry these tears away, wondering what I can do or what I can say. Cause it seems to me that without me, you can still get though. But I’ll tell you this, you may not need me, but I still need you! It is realizing that I’m loosing the person whom I gather the strength from, so don’t ever go, I’m not that strong. I always told myself, love, be it in any way, from me to you – like a siblings love, that love wants one to be happy even if I am not part of that happiness. If making you you happy means letting go, I’ll do so. I will feel like hell, but at least you are in heaven.

Sometimes, I do picture myself as a tiny insignificant star, chasing after a beautiful moon. But little did I know, that I was followed and loved by a patient cloud. And that was you. I wondered why stars still shine even if I am sad; I wondered why birds still fly even when I cry. I wondered why the sun still smiles even if I am blue. Then, I realized, maybe because the world’s telling me that I still have you. But today I don’t know? – Whether you are still there? I hope you can hear my whispers, because it is the whispers of secrets in my ear, hoping that no one could hear. Besides all that, the last thing I could say to you,*If you were the one who had hurt me, it wouldn’t really matter. The truth is, you can slit my throat, and with my last breath, I would still apologize for bleeding on your shirt, For you I can.

MORE THAN NOTHING

Forgive me for thinking I meant more than nothing
More than nothing…
Or at least more than this.

You’ve got my head entwined in fake happiness
In nothing more than wishful bliss

In nothing less than a straining twists

Of what’s real and what’s not
Of my emotions caught

Stuck in something unfamiliar…
Something lovely, yet peculiar

Something horrid, wishing to be sure
Be told you have it all…

And wishing for more

I’m lost, I’m found
Life turned around
World upside down.

*I don't miss you, i miss the person i thought you were*

2009-08-04T17:46:00.000+08:00

Sometimes in Life, I feel betrayed and all alone, like everything is a lie. Trapped in a world or rage and pain and you can only see red though my eyes. With tear stained cheeks, through blood shot eyes.

No one seems to see when I am going through this time, or understand why.

I have heard people saying, that the say past is past. My tears have been frozen cause of trying to stop it from falling, for pretending not to be hurt about something. But I’ve always thought are they doing this for my own good or … Just for their own selfness?? For the very lightest thing to the very broadest one, they take it all, and decide it all … Form A to Z. – My life, my education, my ambition, my personal stuffs, my clothing, my entertainment, even myself. All that you focus on is only studies, studies, & studies. From home to school, and from school back home. You think I can still survive? When my own blood gets the same way as any ordinary human can get, I don’t understand why can’t I?

Or maybe what people say around me, probably what you said too was true? – I was never one; I was picked from the rubbish bin? Have you ever spare a thought about me?, about my life?, about my future?, about my social life? I guess never, NEVER. From the vey start when I learned about things around me, till today, this second, you only did everything you liked as you wished and everything you THOUGHT would be good; But you never spared a thought of whether I liked it. You were always against what I said, and something which I realize, - Why do you want me to listen to you, why do you think you are always on the right path? – and when it takes just one second to prove me that you are wrong. You want me listen to you, yes, I did. But when you are in the wrong, why don’t you accept it? You just kept denying. I was never given a chance to express myself. I did everything because it was told to be done by you, it wasn’t done for the sake of me, instead I was simply being forced by you. I have never felt satisfied doing those things, and taking up the very lightest job. It does applies to my life too. You have always been against me, never beside me, never encouraged me ... You just wanted everything all by your means. I do have dreams, like any ordinary human could every have. How can I pursue my dreams, and ambition, when I don’t get things done by the way I want? All I could do was to hold back my tears and force myself to get into it. She was so special, unlike me. The unluckiest girl who have born on earth. I am just the little kid. Who’s treated unfairly and always picked on. Too bad this is all true. I sigh to think I have to wake up every dawn. If there is going to be anyone else in my shoes, I know what would have happen, but I didn’t do anything which anyone else would have done. But I will just say thanks … Thanks for all you have done for me. My last words, you changed my happiness into sorrows and tears.

IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK;

If these walls could talk,
You’d know my body is dead.
My mind has been taken over
That’s why I’m so scared
I can’t control it.

Fear is making me blind,
I’ve left here all on my own
Chained to a hate of some kind
If these walls could talk.

If these walls could talk,

You’d know about my fears,

About all those nights I screamed for help,

About all my fallen tears.

You’d know about the demons,
Haunting me at night –
You’d be able to help me
Keep my fire alight,
If these walls could talk;

If these walls could talk,
They would say that it’s alright.
God send you in disguise of His anglesto look over me at night
They’d encourage me
Say though I am alone
It doesn’t mean I’m on my own …

Deep Breaths, & inside pain ...

2009-07-15T18:28:00.000+08:00

My Brithday Gifts,

Back-card

Nothing can make a person feel more special than how you guys throwed a suprise birthday party for me! Can you imagine I have no clue that my friends are planning a surprise birthday party right under my nose?

Awwww, my lil dearest friends gave me suprise birthday party today! It was the best ever birthday party with my loved ones! Hehe, and it was so realistic that you guys made up the story so well, & i didn't even get a slightest suspect! I've got no words to describe how thankfull, and how amazed I am. I was so speechless at that moment! I am really touched ! I don't think even a million talks would fulfill how mush mesmerised I was. Its not the first time that i realise i've got such awesome, heaven sent friends! You guys made my dayy! I love you all tons! ♥

Once again, thank you very much dearest, :
Nazie, Imran, Geetha, Muhaiminah, Sharmila,
Srees, Agnes, Khalil & others who have contributed in a way or another (:

Yours Sincerly,
Nazreen Begam ♥

2009-07-14T16:40:00.000+08:00

Sometimes there times where little misunderstandings that came by, but we were together to face them. It was one of the fun and happiest moments that I really did share when you were around fooling away. But today, you stood apart. I'm really sorry if I did anything wrong, Hari. I didn't mean it, neither did I expect it to end this way. Whatever that happened, I still want you to remember that, I am still your friend. Anything that comes by, I am sure I will be there for you too.

This may sound like a breakup. However, losing a very close friend is sometimes worst than a breakup. Someone I truly thought whould be there no matter what. Never did I thought he will let me down as I fall ...

DEFECTED

You left me a scar

A scar that will never fade

Deep inside me

You left your mark

I wasn't strong enough to cry

But I was too weak to smile

I couldn't reach for your hand

When you had your back turned on me

I had too much pride to hide from you

But I didn't have enough courage to run to you

I couldn't speak up to your face

When you were no longer around

You left me a scar

A scar that will never heal

Too deep inside me

You stabbed my heart

It hurts as I think

And it bleeds as I care

I was too young to accept

But I was too old to ignore

I couldn't fix this problem

When I was the only one that cared

It hurts as I think

And it bleeds as I care

I was too naive to trust

But I'm too wise to continue ...

*I'm sorry*

*Sometimes we must get hurt in order to grow. We must fall in order to know. Sometimes our vision is only clear after our eyes are washed away with tears*
♥ МϊŠşĨŋĢ Mŷ ℓόΰεđ ŎŋĔš βάđℓұ ♥

2009-07-12T16:13:00.000+08:00

The fun times we shared,
the memories that can never be replaced
nor erased (:

Living For the Moment ! ♥

When you smile tears roll down my face
For you are an angel that can never be replaced
You brightened up my days with your beautiful words
Take away my fears that get me walking backwards

You took me to a place inside where I never thought I would be
A place with happiness, grace and endless harmony
A place where a medows green extends for miles
A place where all hurt is replaced with beautiful smiles

You let me fly so peacefully, I will never let you hurt nor let you fall

I will fly with you forever ; Right through it all

You are my angel sent from Heaven

And the memories we have will never be erased

*To you I owe, My Life I lend, For inreturn I promise a friend*
::: Nazie♥ Imran♥ Geetha♥ Muhaiminah♥ Hari♥ Agnes♥ :::

2009-06-29T16:24:00.000+08:00

When someday you realise that someone dear to you has betrayed you, then you'll realise the same pain that I am going through. I have got no reasons to complain neither to do the same thing that you've done to me. If I am also going to do it that way, there won't be any difference between me and you. You've hurt me unknowingly or knowingly, but that didn't matter. Once I'm gone, I'm gone ... If only you realize your mistakes you'd know why I'm gone. And when you start to miss me, remember that you let me go ...

It was about sadness, betrayal, and pain. But most importantly it was about the lesson which one way or another I have learnt. Not always but unfortunately not never.

THE FRIEND WHO WAS NEVER A FRIEND

There were times in the past

Nobody could ever break the bond between us

Now I realize how wrong I was

I called you my friend

But you hurt me and I will never forget

The pain inside, ache my heart, and tears in my eyes

Looking back at those happy years of friendship

I sigh; there is nothing else I can do

You hurt me before, but I forgave you

Hoping it was just a mistake, accidental action

But now I realized it was never about me

It was you from the start ambitious and self-centered

Ready to do everything just to get what you want

You called yourself my friend

I trusted, I believed you

I was wrong

I learned my lesson the hard way

But now thanks to you I will never forget

The pain inside, the ache in my heart and the tears in my eyes

And they will remind me forever and always

The friend who was never a friend ...

2009-06-29T16:09:00.000+08:00

26 June 2008

Woo-Hoo ! Holla there ! I'm back after a loooonggg loooonggg time! & I've got alot to blogg about ! Bear with me yeahh ? Hehe (:

Just recently on the 25th of June my grandpa's 40th ended, and it's my birthday! Hmms, was a lil sad that I didn't enjoy on my Birthday and I have to say that my 15th Birthday was spent soo lousyly (am not telling this coz it was my grandpa's 40th), but truthfully speaking. Heh, but nevertheless I had a enjoyable time there. And it was a new experiance without a parttyyy and a birthday full of wishes & blessings ! ((:

Thank you very much dearest for all your wishes, and my loved one! - hehe, all of you sent in your wishes exactly at 00:00am. Aww, so sweet of you people! I was really touched by Nazie, Imran, Geetha, Muhaiminah, Agnes, Atiyyah, Siva, Nisa, Farhan, Prevena !! Thank you very much ♥

& not forgetting all my family, friends, & other relations !

“I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy. Let’s face it, friends make life a lot more fun."

2009-06-16T13:00:00.000+08:00

A mirror of my thoughts ...

I have friends who are true to my heart. Yet, those that are, I care for and love unconditionally. I wish for them health, happiness, prosperity, beauty, and love. I wish for them all things good. Its has been almost one month since I've seen my loved ones and we do talk to each other, yet it's different when it comes by seeing them. I simply feel so tired of leaving alone even though I'm surrounded. And when I start to realise how much dearly I miss each and every one of them. Although they seem to be near, it feels like to be miles apart.

I MISS THEM SO DEARLY,

Nazie♥, the big sister!, sweet lil cupcake, and the pretty ladyy. I miss her sweetness, her caring thoughts, and the councellor in her. Especially, when she finds problems, and when she and Hari fights, it soooo cutee ! Yaw, I really miss those cute moments of thier fights (:

Muhaiminah♥, my minahchiii!, her dum dum jokes, funny voices, her talktiveness, her pinches and her sweetness! Aw, this lovely ladyy. So caring and cute. Nicee (:

Geetha♥, aww! this lovely lovely ladyy! So nice, sweet and pretty. A good councellor too! You can turn to her anytime. Hehe, sometimes I do enjoy when those not nice words comes out form you dear. (:

Imran♥, NARMI!, Ahh, this Romeo! He's really really nice, sweet, straight-foward, very helpful, good motivator!, easy-going, understanding, very good listener and councellor too! Ahh, I miss this sweet person! and his charmness! (:

Hari♥, this gundu Hari prasaan, hehe, he appears to be shap-mouthed, but he is a very nice person and his cuteness! Those big eyes, hehe, and not fergeting his fights with Nazie, this sunshine ! (:

Agnes♥, Syn!, She's straight-foward and quiet, and somethimes she can be loud, and I miss her TALENT! She's interesting and unique too ! And really nice to be with. (:

Kasthuri♥, the ladyy-likee, hehe, very sweet and understanding, loving, and sexy ! Hehe, and she's matured and nice (:

Aww!, I MISS THEM ALOTT !♥

I was probing my most deepest thoughts, I remembered them, very dear to me who has provided comfort and strength to me in wadding through the rocky waters of life. So much I can say about them, that there are no words to describe them. A small thought I can give them ...

Joy is what fills the heart of they which hold within the mysteries of a friend
A passion unknown onto words
Withing them fall the tears of all things we endure as one
And from their eyes diamonds fall,
So precious every one
Dear within, the memories they care with sorrow
And gather them today, for what may come of tomorrow
Priceless ;
Priceless ever these moments that we spend with those so dear
Comforting now to know that they are near
Yet, there comes a day when we see the eagle so near
And feel withing our hearts
A passion so much more
As I stand beside them when that gleam glows in their eyes
What comes of tommorw
And though a distant barrier wells up within the heart
There is a joy inside
To know the joy of a dawning start
Standing there beside them on that road to paradise
As so I hold them close and whisper in their ear
Please take with you these memories
Then from the eyes,
Your tear.

2009-06-11T19:11:00.000+08:00

Holla ! I'm back! (:

Was havin my NCO Camp for the past three days.

Hehe, let me give you a review of what happen these 3 days.

8th June to 10th June

Day 1

Reported in school at 0730 and I had to change to my Full-Unifrom for MOI (Method Of Instruction) & it was the start of my NCO course, wherby at the end of the 3 days I will know whether I will qualify as a NCO & get promoted. After changing to Full-U and fall in , they told the sec 3s to remove all our badges and our RANK! *SOBS* Thereafter the Sec 2's had fall in, my Senior NCO briefed us on the Camp Standing Order and Bunking In. After that the Sec 3s had our first Proposal lecture which lasted an hour. And it was such a bore! Especially coz of the Sir who gave us the lecture with such a dead toneeeee ... All our heads dropping and I was like, "He's gonna take us for all our lecture & by the end of the course, nothing is going to be in my head!" HEH, after that we had Lesson plan leacture, and that lasted for 30mins. Then, we had M.O.I lecture and that lasted another hour. Luckily there came in our LIFE SAVER ! - Sir Naza ! - when he came in all heads up , ears big open , & eyes wide open! He made the last part of the lecture very intresting and fun! Phew! How all of us wished he was our lecturer for the previous ones. Hehe, it was already 12pm by the all our lectures ended. And its lunch time! But I have to admit, we didn't get a fulfilling lunch, especially Me and some others. We had to do survival cooking and also guide the sec 2s. I felt so hungry ended up I didn't eat. Coz when I wanted to eat, that person actually poured the hot hot magiie soup on my hand! Ahh , it was such a pain ! I stood up and walk away. What else more I can do.

After lunch we had a hell of scolding, coz some of my squad mates didn't think about the sec 2s and did everything for themselves so yeah, we deserved it as - One for All , All for One ):

After the scolding, we continued with M.O.I Practical (Static Drills) and continously with M.O.I Practical but this time round was Arms drills and Advance Drills which lasted for almost 2 and a half hour. After that was Parade Procedure and then M.O.I Theory (Campcraft). Since the Campcraft theory was kinda boring, we played a small game for about 15 mins instead. - Wacko! I bet all of us enjoyed that 15 mins as it was our only fun time since we did not get a chance to play games. I have to say that all of us laughed our arses out! By then it was 1800 it was our free time for and hour before dinner. But instead of having free time, we actually planned our campfire. And I was running here & there like a mad girl. HAH, then it was dinner time at 1900. We had catered food as we can't do survival cooking due to no light. After dinner was our turn to brief the Sec 2s about day 2 campfire. And I had to debrief them, it was kinda difficult to control the whole squad but I managed with the help of the rest of my squad mates. By then I lost my voice a little. Phew, after that was debriefing and yeah ! Lights Out at 2230 !!

Ahah! - Waittt ... But Me, Nisa, Seri & Fahmy didn't sleep as Me & Nisa were planning the whole campfire and script for the MCs - Fahmy & Seri. We were so hooked up with the time that we sepnd nights to do that. And all I hoped was a success for the campfire.

2340 was my lights out !

( Hope for the best tmrs )

Day 2

Today, Our test day! All da best yaw! All of us so scared , with trembling legs ...

Was so tired and exhausted that the time run, and I woke up at 0530am (kinda late) and we needed to fall in at 0600 ! No time to bathe so simply freshed up and falled in time. We then had out Flag Raising and PT. There you go ... Our PT Instructors Imran & Vinoth ! Ouh-No ! Hah, we were almost dead ! Ahhh .. Haha , but luckily the last part we didn't do. Phew! Imagine us doing PT with empty stomach ! After that was BREAKFAST! Gobbled 1 small piece of bun (:

After that we had our Sing-Along session whereby we NCO-T's had to teach the sec 1 and 2 the campfire songs and prepare them for the campfire. Woo ! It was such a pain having to teach Sec 1,, all more you the patience. I was soo patient till the very end that after it ended I lost my voice totally ! After that was lunch and I didn't eat , only ate Mango punnding & it was really nice of Imran & Ashraf, & some others to ask us to eat and make sure we filled our stomach coz it was our practical test after lunch ! But I only ate mango pudding & all more was praying I won't faint.

There came our test time ! I have no words to decribe how I felt but I have to say I wasn't that strong after my test. I kept thinking about it and was really weak, both physically & mentally. But all more I forced myself and didnt show anything. No one knew what was going on inside me.

After that was Free time and I rushed to bathe and then came out and continued with the campfire preparation. Another scariest part. The last event to prove our abilities.

Nevertheless Nisa and myself skipped our dinner and completed the campfire preparations but ended up we did eat as our Sirs , Ma'am , & Seniors told us to eat so yeah the both of us ran to the canteen and gobbled our food, but I didn't eat much as I really felt like vomiting, so I left.

*Heart Beating Faster* Start of Campfire ...

Nisa and Me escorted our Seniors and the VIP (Ms Triana). We gave a bang !

Then we were at out positions and went on cheering and cheering to keep us entertaing as well as the audience. But in the middle, I felt it was a total cork up ! The Sirs took over us !

All more It's over SHOW! NO WAY MANN ! But the MCs took over back again and the firewood ! Oh-no! It ended even before the time we planned for the campfire to end.

Luckily, we wrapped the campfire up. And when I and Nisa escorted Ms Triana back we cried! Coz we really thought that our campfire was a total flop! But she said it was really good and she really did enjoyed! But it didn't satisfy us. We had to fall in so we did , with tears rooling down our eyes. Then the Seniors came and they gave the whole of my squad double 3 cheers for such a very well done work! When they did that I really cried out and all of them came shaking our hands and I was tearing and they consoled and said it was really good.

After that was debrefing and supposed to be Lights Out. But we got extra time so we washed up and gathered. To our suprise, my Sirs, Ma'am and Seniors treated us Roti Prata! We felt so happy and thankful to them. My heart thanks and sincere gratitudes to all who treated us and it doesn't matter whether who put money or who didn't coz it's the thought that counts!

After that we thanked all of them and then Lights Out!

It was such a tiring day !

Day 3

Last day of camp ... (I was happy but it was really saddening)

This time round I woke up at 0550 ! Totally late and I was the PTI!

Rushed ! Luckily the bathed the night before getting to bed. then we started the PTI for Sec 1 and 2. Phew, it wasn't as much as we expected, but we 3 PTI did a good job.

Yeahh, so i was kinda satisfied.

After that was breakfast and then are-cleaning.

I was in-charge of the canteen, and yeah, alot to clean up!

Nevertheless, did a good job coz ended up the canteen didn't get any complains !

YAY!

Woo , there came the most trembling part!

PROMOTION !!!...

Yessa! I was one of the first few to get Second class drills badge and only 7 of us got promoted to Sergant! And that Ma'am and Sirs played with me when I was getting my rank, they didn't wanted to give me and played around. I was like pleaseee , i want ! I couldn't wait to get it,

Imagine you are promoted and they are playing with you instead of giving that to you!
Hehe, finally they gave me! (:

It was a total hardwork and effort!

My hardwork paid off in the end!

I feel so happy and satisfied!

By then, I returned home with my hand legs and upper stomach all swollen and I can feel it !

Nevertheless, I am happy ! (:

Finally I want to thank all my Seniors, (Sec 4, 5, & 6) . - Hehe.

And thanks to Imran! - He said he enjoyed our Campfire the most among his 4 years in NP life.

And many other Seniors too said the same!

Thanks to all once again ! (:

2009-06-07T15:14:00.000+08:00

9th June 2009

My childhood friend passed away in 9th June of 2004.

I was only 10 years old, when he passed away. But today as I look back ...

I remember the times we spent together, you were not only my best childhood friend,

But also my well-wisher and brother.

Today, in the memory of Muhammad NurHakim ;

9th June 2004, the day the tragic happened.

Its only the memories that I shared with you when you were around, and not the way you left.

But now, I can realise the first of EVERYTHING without him and the memories will last forever.

I Will Forever Miss You,

You always put a smile on my face

No matter how mad I was

All I had to do was to call you & you would make everything better.

The day I heard that you were taken from us, my heart broke.

I dropped down to my knees and cried and cried.

All I wanted was for one more day with you

And I never got a chance to look at you for the last time

Neither did I get a chance to sit near your grave and look at your picture

All I wanted to do is to thug you and laugh with you and play HIde-And-Seek with you.

Remember, you used to ask me,

"What will you do, if I went away and never returned while playing Hide-and-Seek?"

I miss you so much, we all do.

And when you died,

The whole town felt the pain.

You were only 12 years old.

You didn't deserve to die/

You wanted to bring your paretns proud,

And your ambition ...

You've been gone for 5 years and I really miss you,

And I miss the times we played together,

We talked together, and when we fought over those small lilttle thing together

I think about you everyday

It's not getting easier

But every time I look at your picture or pull out the photo albums

My eyes starts to water.

I will never forget you

Muhammad NurHakim

--------------------------

I love you and I miss you ♥

But I knoe that you are in Heaven looking over all of us ...

Whispers of secrets in my ear,

Hoping that no one could hear.

2009-06-07T14:54:00.000+08:00

6th June 2009

{HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY HAKIM!}

It's your birthday today! But you are no longer with us to celebrate. Nevertheless, the memories that you brought to us every moment when you were alive, can never be erased from our Hearts. Although you are not around, I thank GOD everyday for knowing such a person like you once in my Lifetime, who have left such footprints behind. It was the past times, how we used to celebrate your birthday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HAKIM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU !

June 6 1992 - The day you touched the Earth.

We always spent your Birthday up at East Coast Beach

Then we'd have dinner and watch the stars out of reach

We'd float in the ocean and dry off in the sun

It was always time away, together second, to none

I went to the beach today the way we used to do,

As I now put my lounge chair down in the hot sand,

I imagine you with me holding my hand.

June used to be our favourite time of the year

It comes now for me with deep regret and tear

It's the 5th birthday you are not here anymore.

I even stopped myself getting your gifts from the store

I think back now and compare you to a Summer's breeze

You were always laid-back, loving and easy to please

People will have their own way of remembering you today,

Some will be sad, Some will smile, and Some will pray.

So as you have your cake looking down at us from above,

I'll light a candle and sing Happy Birthday to you my Love.

You'll always be the sunshine of my Life!

Love & Miss you ♥

4th & 5th June 2009

2009-06-06T15:21:00.000+08:00

Day 1

Heylos! I'm back! Was kinda busy for the past two days as I was attending a 2 day NPCC Leadership & Mentoring Skills Course at Hong Kah Secondary School. I should say that this course that I have attended is thousand times way much better than any other NPCC courses that I have attended. I had to report in school at 7.30am and yeah, the bus left to HKSS at 7.50am. And we reached HKSS at around 8.10am. First of all, there wasn't much schools there yet and I supposed YCSS, we were one of the first 2 schools who came first. And this was really unlucky, coz we got the front row and I got the first seat! Omy, this was seriously not happening! And I thought it was all the way Lecture, Lecture, & Lecture and I can't supposidly sit right in front and listen without moving neither talking! AHH ! After all the schools were present, they finally started off the lecture at 9.45am, meanwhile we were sitting down there in the hall with our butts stucked to the chairs. HEH, luckily they started off the first lecture about MOI (Method of Instruction). After which we had a practical session on MOI and we got to be with our squads. And we were in Squad 2, with 3 other schools - BVSS, BBSS, & one other school (sorry couldn't remember the school name). There was a total of 50 of them in the squad. Oh-yea, my Squad 2 named - WILDCATS! Omygosh! Heheh, there was this guy from BVSS, awww!! He was sooo handsome & charming! You can't just get your eyes off him if you see him! I just can't stop drooling over him! Hehe. Nisa and I didn't realise that he was in our squad untill he came out to teach us MOI. After that, the whole squad was supposed to rate his teaching, and we purposely gave him 5 out of 5! And there were many other who gave him 5 out of 5 too. Actually he really deserves it coz he really did well! Well off, then it was all the way Lecture, Lecture, & Lecture ... And the dum dum food supplier went to the wrong school to deliver the food - Instead of coming to HKSS he actually went to JWSS. Coz of this our lunch was dragged and we had our lunch time only at 2 ! Yaw, my stomach was really grumbling. Everyones' gobbling their food ! Haha ; Thereafter it was Lecture again with some team pondering stuffs to do with and some of those was really fun while some others was simply dry. Oh-yeah! Nisa and I was waiting when will that guy talk to us ... Ended up he didn't speak a word ): *sadded* (All luck tmrs!) The first day of the course was kinda fun and ended at 5.45pm. Later which, Me, Nisa, Hao En, Kamarul, & Siva went to JP. It was to give Siva a small birthday suprise as it was his birthday on that day (4th June) and he spent all his time with us during the course. Soo yeah we rushed off there and the 3 guys went to LJS while Nisa and I went to Polar to grab a cake and thenwe went to LJS - Siva didn't know that it was a big big plan that we actually lied to him that Ma'am wanted to meet him ended up he got tricked! When I brought the cake in to LJS he covered his face! He felt so paisey! Hehe (: Anyways I hope Siva enjoyed the small lil suprise ! (:

Day 2

Fortunately the second day started of pretty well, not much lectures too and that guy actually talked to me! Ahah! But Nisa wasn't there as she left early after lunch at 2pm and during that time was Team Building Games! YAY! Hehe, it was sooooooooooo much of FUN! - FUN! - FUN! Hehe, we were standing together! Haha, and Siva was like, "Nazreen, I'm sure you love this game!" & I said "YEAH!" Hehe, then we played many other games and since I was the only girl from the YCSS, the BVSS girls told me to join them and I joined them in all the games. It was really fun being around with them, especially their school was sooooo UNITED!, unlike mine. After the games ended, we had one last lecture so we proceed up to the hall and got seated. Hehe, it was then we started to talk moree! And yeah after the last lecture ended it was the last session with our Squad mates (WILDCATS). So yeah, we were singing, cheering, reflecting, and playing small tricky games. All the games was really FUN like the, MRt Game, Number Game, Black Magic, Fuzzy Wazzy etc ... After which we cheered our WILDCATS cheer for the last time before leaving. It was really saddening before leaving but we had to. Anyways, it was a great day! Hehe, I think I shall stop bragging before it gets too boring. Let me post the cheer done by us - WILDCATS!

WATERMELON ... WATERMELON ...

BAAANAANAA ... BAAANAAANA ...

(ANOTHER VERSE , BUT I FERGET! AHH SORRY)

*SCRATCHES HEAD*

RAMBUTAN ... RAMBUTAN ...

Woowees! WILDCATS ROCKS MANN!!

I REALLY HOPE TOO SEE YA PPL SOON ! MISSES!

ADIOS!

2009-06-03T15:42:00.000+08:00

I felt like a star, touching the Earth once, and I left. But before I leave, I left my footprints behind. It was never like before, today I felt the great distance between us; Coz we were much closer than now. I kept all my emotions bottled up and very rarely let my anger show. It built overtime into this enormous feeling of hate that just consumes me. Can't you see the pain in my eyes? With tear stained cheeks, through blood shot eyes. You see the fear that closes my eyes. The smile I wear is but in disguise.

I've heard the saying:
I love walking in the rain, coz no one knows i'm crying.
I tried it once when I couldn't trun to anyone at that particular time.

I was a Girl in the rain.

Dressed in a sundress

Under the pouring rain

I twirled around

Raising my hands to the air

Droplets fell onto my hair

Bare footed as I started to dance

Letting my hair free

I was the girl in the rain

The water numbed all my pain

My grieve hidden behind a mask
I lifted my eyes to the sky

And started to dance

Throwing away all my sorrow

I started to smile again

Nobody knows who I was

No one knows where I came from

All they knew I was silent

Like the wind in everyone's hair

Soaked, wet and cold

Ignored, rejected and unappreciated

Like the roses in my hands

Wilted and dead

I let the rain fall into my head

Everything was different

After I left

All they could remember

Time and time again

Silent from all my pain

...

*Girl in the rain; Deep breaths, and inside pain*

1 June 2009

2009-06-02T17:29:00.000+08:00

Heylos! Its first June, the start of a new month. And its holidays' time! *sobs* I am really gonna miss my friends ~ Nazie, Geetha, Imran, Hari, Muhaiminah, Agnes & others. Met up with them and Minah and myself went to Jurong Point to grab Roshini a present, and its Roshini's Sweet 16th Birthday today! Thereafter, i went off to meet Geetha to buy the cakee! Then, we were waiting for Nazie to make up stories and walk Roshini to the blk we were at. And there you go! - SUPRISE !

Happy Birthday to you

Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday to Roshini

Happy Birthday to you!

Wohoo! Our plan worked out well on suprising Roshini! Hehe, YAY! I hope Roshini liked the gifts, and the lil suprise birthday party. (:

And this is for you Roshini:

A simple wish as you age,

It's your day, take the stage!

Wees!

Snap, Snap:

Birthday Cakee!

yumiie, cakiee!

Feat Nazie

Candid!

Cake Feeding timee!:

Roshini-Muhaiminah

Roshini-Nazeera

Roshini-Geetha

Roshini-Me

Sisterhood!(:

Hehe, hope you enjoyed the snap shots! (:

*A Tear Fell,*

29th May 2009

2009-05-30T19:52:00.000+08:00

\m/ Wohoo! I was merely excited about SYF Gala ! I simply couldn't wait to dress up myself and just enjoy myself at the performance. And guess what! - It turned out to be more than what i just expected! It was such an awesome night! Especially Indian Dance rawks mann!! Yeahh! Some of us were on our feet cheering them on and on! And I have to tell this, Indian Dance just over-looked the whole performance. And now i know why they got a GOLD for their SYF. Hmms, the malay dance was not too bad too! Their performance was soo cute! Heheh ; And yeah as for other performance, some were quitee boring, but had to go through it. I bet the Indian Dance boosted everyone's energy and all eyes wide open! YAY! Omggosh! And the finale dance! - Eeew, he really spoiled the whole dance, such a jerk! I really pity those guys who agreed to dance with him - I dun know how they actually agreed *scratched head* . Anyway, It was nice because of the other three guys who was with him. And one part Ms Heng came into the performance with a bang! It was fabulous! And yeah after the performance, picss time! I have to say this, Hema was so adorable! Took picture with her too! Unfortunately, the picture was corrupted *sobs*. Sadly, Nazie, Imran, Geetha and Hari missed the performances! I bet they'll be cheering on for the Indian Dance till the end! I have to say this, Minah and I were keep compalining "Argh, they missed these performance! Gosh!" Heheh,, i guess i better stop here before you guys fall asleep.

Rock on Indian Dance! **You spin my world**

Heheh , here are some pictures and videos for you guys to glue your eyes to:

Sweets(:

Spotlight Us(:

Atiyyah & Myself (:

Kasthuri & Minahchee!

Us(:

Indian Dancee !

Indian Dance ("Hip Hop"?)

Guest Performance by Mr Fadzil & Ms Seah (:

Finale Performance! (Mr Shah! - He danced!; Dang!)
Sorry about the commotion;

Wohoo! Hope you guys enjoyed the videos'!
Woo! It already 12.19am, I better rush off before my mom starts screaming at me, "What are you still doing in the computer?! I want you to come out from it right now!" Heheh. Nighty Nightx! *winks*

Sing me through your Heart;

2009-05-30T19:32:00.000+08:00

A Change in my Life,

A Change in my Life,

As I look in the mirror
All I can see
Is a misunderstood girl
Staring back at me

Her Life isn't perfect
Although it may seem
But nobody understands
Who's the real me

As I look harder
I start to realise
What is actually beyond
My dark-brown eyes

Now I see it all more clear
Every flaw, Every tear
That I've cried
Throughout the years

Some tears of Joy
Some tears of Pain
I let them pour out
Like a night fall of rain

Now I see myself
In a different way
A little less shy
With each passing day

A few years have passed
And a new me has formed
From that quiet brown-eyed girl
The day I was born

Today I looked in the mirror
And guess what what I saw?
I saw me, the real me;
Not disappointed, not at all ...

I wanted to stay up late night and think of you, but I changed my mind and decided not to. I would rather sleep early than think og you, that way I will have more time dreaming of you (:

2009-05-26T22:38:00.001+08:00

I don't know where you are, I don't know what you're doing - I don't know if you're suffering too they way I am. Are you thinking about me? Are you worrying about me? Do you even still care? Sooo many questions left unanswered deep inside me. I pray to see you soon. I need you; I need my sane self back. not knowing and waiting is what kills me. This cannot be it; This cannot be the end. It was just the beginning. Or so I thought it was...

Our lives were always interwined. I lost you once, and I will not loose you again. I refuse to have you as part of my Life - even though we can be - I want you to understand how this silence has impacted my Life. I'm trying hard to get use to you not being around me. It's hard. It is slowly killing me.

They say time heals all wounds. But right now, the more I wait, the more I seem to want you, need you, and especially love you. I don't expect people to understand what I'm ranting about, but I hope you hear what my Heart is telling you. What it is slowly whispering to you. I know you can hear it ...

I feel your absence every day

And I think of words that I dare not say

I trun the pages to clear my mind

The silence helps but not all the time

I toss and turn in my empty bed

The scattered portraits fly through my head

I feel the pull like a ball and chain

I move ahead but it stays the same

Clenching my eyes from the lamplight

Stings my skin like mosquito bites

The pain is not what it seems to be

It's embracing me with your memory

The probing hearts see through my mask

Wanting to know but they never ask

Sometimes when I tey to fool myself

It seems so real even I can't tell

The ache is there still to give me doubt

Maybe that's what love is about

We give and take but we don't ask why

Who's left to blame when my soul runs dry

The writing stares like it's on the wall

The end is not what I want at all

A parting glance on your face

An image I will never erase

We are destined. I believe it. Fate brought us together the first time and I know fate will bring us together again. You have to believe. You have to want the same thing?

"I only have your last words to hold on to and go by. I have nothing else.

And I didn't even have a chance to say ...

"I LOVE YOU!"

"In Life we all have an unspeakable secret, an irreversible regret, an unreachable dream, and an unforgettable Love - Unconditional Love"

23 May 2009

2009-05-25T20:37:00.000+08:00

Muhaiminah came over to my place and i hope she had a great time with me at my place. And I cooked for her, hopefully she liked it and I hope it wasn't bad enough. Heheh ; We were watching Mehbooba while discussing about some food I will be preparing for the P.O.P and yeah thanks a million deariie for your help! Left house at 5.45pm and Minah went back home while i went to my Grandpa's 7th day funeral prayers. Was really a waste to know that I actually wasted 3 hours of my Life ! Aah ! Hahah ,, but still i shouldn't deny that I would rather spend time with my Lil love Minah than to stand over there doing nothing and can't even see my "secret" ! Anyway, the prayers went really well and smoothly. I surely had a great time there especially, I have to admit that - The most beautiful view is the one i share with you! At this moment I really have to accept that, "Life becomes precious and more special to us when we look for the little everyday miracles and get excited about the privileges of simply being Human"

Have I Ever

Have I ever told you

that if i sit really still and silent,

sometimes, I like to think

I can hear your Heart beating
in time with me ?

Have I ever told you

that when I watch you speak to me

through lines and cords,

and bytes and ram,

I imagine

your voice

whispering into my ears?

Have i ever told you

that I wait out each day

in anticipation,

wanting

only an hour or two,

just a second in space and time,

to feel close to you?

Have I ever told you

that sometimes,

I will reach out, touching your name

on this cold screen before me,

wishing

I could reach in

and pull you to me?

Have I ever told you

that there has been times,

when I ached for you,

ached for you so badly,

that the emotions overwhelmed me...

and so I sat and cried for hours?

Have I ever told you

that after the first time I heard

the sound of your voice,

thousands of miles away,

I sat up all night,

turning the conversation over and over

in my mind,

examining it

like some newly discovered object?

Have I ever told you

that I would give everything up,

just

to be able to lay near you,

to feel your chest rise and fall

with each breath you take,

just to know that you are real?

Have I ever told you

that i dream of you often,

I dream of you reaching out

and touching my hand,

simply to let me know

that you are there,

and everything is okay?

Have I ever told you?

Have I still yet to tell you...

that I LOVE YOU ;

I've tried to think of the sweetest words I could say to you. Something different and something true; But i guess there could never be a word sweeter than saying, "I Love You!"

2009-05-23T23:50:00.001+08:00

22 May 2009

Wees ,, it was such a boring day today especially when, Naziee, Geetha & Hari did not turn up in school today and i really miss them alott ! One more thing "Hey guys school's gonna end so PLEASE turn up in school ,, lets enjoy da last few days before we are unable to meet up during da hols yeea !" NPCC today was kinda fun, we were doing campcraft and was discussing about the POP ! Hopefully it will be a blast during the POP and i really hope that everyone will love the way it is gonna be carried out ; And yeah my seniors when to Jurong Sec to collect the fire wood for our camp in june and thanks S.NCO's! Heheh ,, they returned back with red marks on their hand - bt it was for a good thing ! And yeah, for the first time it was fun doing campcraft and i re-learnt how to pitch a tent. Oh, i better get my next post ready before the day ends !

** scratches head **

Off !

2009-05-21T21:34:00.000+08:00

Ohmygosh! I'm failing my exams ! This really saddens me as i think back, i should have putten in more effort, bt i surely did put in my best to do and revise for my exams, ended up my results turned upside down. I just feel like the world has turned upside down! Now, i'm scared to show my report book to my parents and i can already imagine how are my parents gonna react... Ahh, i'm soo doomed!

Muhaiminah just told me that she misplaced her spongebob - i'm so sorry minah that i didn't tighten it properly. If i had just checked it before leaving this wouldn't happen and you wouldn't feel sad for loosing your spongebob. )):

And today, i learned something which sounded unusual to me and was unsaid.

I have learned…That trust is a powerful thing
You have no idea what it may bringIt can sting your heart
And tear apart your soulor it can warm your heart
And enlighten your soul

I have learned…
That trust is hard to discover
It is buried deep down under
People say it is easy to gain trust
I agree with them in a way
For them I have lost all trust
I have decided to go my own way

I have learned…That trust means to lust
And lust is a must
Sometimes it can be an illusion
But it is something you cannot deny
Therefore I have come to this conclusion
Trust everyone, but not the devil inside

A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same

2009-05-20T16:03:00.000+08:00

17 May 2009

Special Words about a Special Man who bought much Happiness and Joy;

Everyday i wonder why,
That you were taken high up to the sky,
And i didn't get a chance to say goodbye,
I'm sorry.

There are so many things I want to say,
That every noght i sit and pray,
Hoping you can hear me say,
I miss you and I love you.

There's so much hurt i feel inside,
And in nobody I can confide,
But i know you are watching over us,
Up above where the angles lie.

You're in our hearts,
And there you'll stay,
And be remembered everyday,
Forever i will think of you.

I was in Hamza class and never did i expect to hear the news of the death of my grandpa. ): Tears raced down my face as i heard the news and my friends consoled me but i couldn't hold back my tears. As i took my bus, my uncle was waiting for me at the bustop and we rushed to Alexandra Hospital where my grandpa was admitted. I wonder how could i be the last one to see him?! Tears streamed down my face when i saw him that way. I love you grandpa, I will love you everyday. As my tears raced down my face; I knew he'd soon be in a happier place. My love will follow him wherever he go. Oh how i loved you so. Although i feel sorrow and hate. You can't fight fate. He told me everything as time passed by and by. I never wanted him to die. We did alot together throughout the years, It's time to wipe away the tears. I want him to know; I will never let him go. I know him loved me too. My heart will always be with him. Now it's time to say goodbye. Until i see him again someday when i die.

Together, yet apart.
I MISS YOU .

Hey - O !

2009-05-13T21:05:00.000+08:00

This is my First post & I felt so confident to start of after getting some "clues" from Muhaiminah! First things First , i would like to say my heartfull thanks & sincere gratitudes to my loved friends and i would like dedicate a 'poem' which came from deep from my heart. There it goes:

You’ve Changed My Life

Thanks for being there when I needed a shoulder to lean on, for patiently listening to my personal problems. I just want you to know how happy am I to have you in my life and I thank God for that. Thank you for the love and the joy you bring. You've changed my life.You're the only Friends who give my heart some excitement and thrills. When I'm with you people, I feel like I'm out of control! You taught me how to handle life seriously; you taught me how to solve my problems and to face it without any fear... When you guys are around with me, I feel no fear, not even a single one. Looking back, i have no regrets, but terribly miss the little moments that i have went through with you people. I know that when you say you love me and I admit that I've fallen into the hands of my loved ones, I know that I wouldn't shed any tears from now on. Having your love has been the best thing that have happened to me. I love you people and that's what I want you to bear in your mind, and it's for keeps.

((:

Dedicated Specially to:
{ Naziie, Imran, Muahaiminah, Geetha, Gowtham, Hari, Agnes }

Every Night In My Dreams ♥